Advice dating man older
Kelly, who was boning her teenage self at the time?
Anaheed told me this last year and I was like EW.) When plotting to French an older person, you might be tempted to rationalize the stretch of time between your two births thusly: “Well, my mom and my dad [or whoever] are seven years apart in age and they’re doing swell, so LET’S GET THIS THING GOIN’.” Everyone knows a happy grown-up couple with a significant number of years between them, but the thing is this: Those two people are adults, and when that’s the case, how old you are in relation to your partner matters less.
That said, when you’re 17 or 18, it’s not really a big deal to hook up with someone who’s just a few years older than you. If you’re unsure, a good rule of thumb is to draw the line at getting involved with anyone who is older than you by a quarter of the years you’ve been alive.
(And many jurisdictions have added so-called “Romeo and Juliet” clauses to their statutory-rape laws to acknowledge this common sense.) Maybe your girlfriend or boyfriend went off to college, maybe you met a cute 21-year-old drummer at a show—these things happen and are fine as long as you feel comfortable with this older person. Are they respectful of your life outside of your relationship? And anyone under the age of 17 should probably wait a little while to be with any person whose age doesn’t also end in -teen. You have plenty of time to date people older than you, but not nearly as much to have a high-school romance. You have literally the rest of your earthly days to date people in their 20s and up, but you can never have a real high-school romance again after 12th grade is over.
I made my own decisions when I was 15, and I enjoyed the majority of the time I spent dating that 28-year-old as well as the older dudes who came after him.
But if you’re looking to get into one of these situations, I’m guessing you don’t need to be told about the alluring/fun parts, and if you’re writing to us about it, it’s clear that you are weighing your decision carefully, and not being passively swept away or coerced.
So, here are the things I wish someone had talked to me about when I was 15—if they had, I doubt I would have acted on my proclivity for adult men at least until it was legal for me to do so, or maybe I would have just dialed my actions back a little.
That idea also applies to the years between you and an older paramour.
Time behaves more peculiarly when you’re younger because everything changes so quickly, so the distance between 16 and 21 is way bigger than the one between 23 and 28.
power over teenagers and females adds extra force to the power differential in this kind of arrangement.
At some point we’ll do a piece on age differences in queer relationships, but this one is about teenage girls dating older dudes. (That said, most [but not all] of this advice will apply to sexual/romantic relationships involving people of any and all genders.) Finally, I don’t mean for this article to read as “A HORRIBLE OLD MAN TOOK MY YOUTHFUL INNOCENCE,” because that’s not what happened.
Before I get into the real nitty gritty, though, a few caveats.